Losing Yourself
by I'm a Nerd and Proud
Summary: Ichigo is slowly going crazy after Aoyama broke up with her and the final battle ended.


**Losing Yourself**

**Summary: Ichigo is slowly going crazy after Aoyama broke up with her and the final battle ended. **

**Disclaimer: Hey! I don't own the show or its characters or the anime! Just please review at the end!**

**~xXx~**

Three days after the final battle, Aoyama showed up at Ichigo's door. He looked nervous and unsure, and when the redhead asked what was wrong, he answered with a simple, _we need to talk. _Ichigo wasn't sure why but she had nodded, and went with him.

When they sat down in front of the cherry tree, Ichigo was overtaken by memories and not all of them were pretty. One of them actually was about Kisshu, and that wasn't okay with her. _No. Aoyama-kun is the only one for me. _Ichigo told herself.

"So what's up Aoyama-kun?" Ichigo began slowly, looking strangely at the way too perfect boy.

Aoyama looked over at her, and their eyes met. Her heart stopped when she saw his eyes.

"Aoyama-kun?" she asked nervously and softly.

"I want to break up,"

Ichigo's eyes widen and her mouth dropped. _W-what? _She wondered. "W-what?" her voice was shaky, and her eyes were wide.

Aoyama wouldn't look at her now. She was getting more and more nervous. "Ichigo….it just hasn't been working out. I'm not in love with you anymore, so why don't you let me go? I've fallen for someone else."

Her heart shattered a little more with each passing word. Her brown eyes were losing that spark which was Mew Ichigo. Her Aoyama-kun didn't love her anymore? It broke her.

"I'm sorry Momomiya-san," Aoyama said softly, still not looking at her. "But I just don't love you anymore."

"Stop!" Ichigo said with a sniff. "I don't wanna hear you break my heart some more!"

Aoyama reached for her but then stopped, knowing that he had no right anymore. "I'm sorry; I really am Momomiya-san."

She had no idea, but when he said her last name, she felt like her heart just shattered completely. "Just leave me alone!"

And then, she as gone.

~xXx~

She never thought that she would break. Ichigo never thought that _she _would break after Aoyama broke up with her. Her so called love of her life. She did love him; there would be no changing that.

Ichigo was slowly losing herself completely and it had only been two weeks since Aoyama broke up with her. She started having nightmares about the final battle, and nothing could stop her from crying out at night. Nothing could stop her from sobbing his name over and over again. She was losing herself.

She wasn't the sweet Momomiya Ichigo anymore; she was just a cold hurt person left and the shell of the girl who once stood there.

Ichigo was actually sitting in class at the moment, staring blankly up to the front. She didn't seem like someone anyone would want to talk to. Moe and Miwa made their way towards her when lunch time rolled around, but Ichigo paid little attention to them; she was just too lost.

"Ichigo!" said Moe, placing her hands on her hips. "Are you even listening to me?"

The redhead looked up, and her once bright brown eyes now dull and saddened. "I'm sorry…but what?" Ichigo asked.

"Have you missed everything we just said?" Miwa asked, crossing her arms. "What's wrong!? You seem sad! Who hurt you!? Was it the tree-hugger!?"

Ichigo just shook her head, and ate her lunch without saying anything more. That was actually one of the last times her best friends heard her speak. They missed their best friend.

~xXx~

When one year got up and left, Ichigo was sitting in her room staring at the wall with very blank and worn eyes. It had been a year since the final battle, and all she could think of was that horrible day. She watched her friends fight for her, she heard Deep Blue's cold laugh and she watched as the love of her life killed himself to let the others live.

Ichigo felt tears well in her eyes, and this was actually the first time in months since she had cried. She wiped her eyes quickly but it did little good.

Another memory entered her mind, and her heart had stopped when she saw this person. She remembered the way his lips felt against hers, she remembered his playful yet pervert like ways, his green hair and his very golden eyes.

"Kisshu…" Ichigo whispered, and her voice sounded horse.

She felt her tears form faster, and she knew that she would break down completely.

"_Yo Ichigo!" _or _"Kon'nichiwa Koneko-chan!"_

She remembered his voice so well.

Ichigo looked around and then stood in front of the mirror and stared at the person who stood there. _Is that really me? How did this happen? Was this really all Aoyama-kun's fault? Sure, he broke my heart but can I really let this continue on like this?_

She didn't know what she was going to do, but then she saw the memory she didn't want to ever remember.

She remembered Kisshu dying for her to live.

"NO!" Ichigo shouted, trying to shake off the very thought. There was nothing she could do; it was now stuck in her mind. "Leave me alone Kisshu!"

Her voice was horse, but you could understand just what was she was saying.

Shintaro and Sakura came rushing into the room, their eyes wide and fear was in their eyes as well. "Ichigo!?" shouted Shintaro. "Are you okay!?"

Sakura was beside her daughter in moments, kinda shocked to hear her talking again. "Ichigo?" she asked softly. "Are you okay honey?"

Ichigo shook her head as she shook. She couldn't speak, and Kisshu took over her mind. She couldn't push his memory away from her, she was thinking about her ex enemy. She was thinking about someone who wasn't Aoyama-kun.

Sakura pulled Ichigo into her arms, and held her daughter close to her chest. "You know you can always talk to me and your father, Ichigo. We'll always listen."

The redhead teen really wanted to tell her parents everything but she couldn't. She couldn't put their lives in danger. Shintaro went over to stand by his family, thinking over a few things. Was his daughter going to be okay? Was there some _boy _around trying to hurt her? But the biggest question he had was; _who was Kisshu? _

"Ichigo," Shintaro said, looking down at the very quiet teen. "Who's Kisshu?"

_Kisshu, _Ichigo thought with sad eyes and her heart broke some more. _He was my enemy for the longest time. He was the boy who would do __**everything **__to make me his and even though I always chose Aoyama-kun, he still kept trying. Kisshu, why did he have to be that way with me? What made me different from all the other girls he could have had?_

"Ichigo," Shintaro repeated, but Sakura gave him 'the look'. "Err…."

"Shintaro," Sakura warned, and her husband fell quiet. "Now Ichigo, I don't know who this person is, Kisshu. But did he do something to hurt you?"

Ichigo shook her head, but she stopped. Kisshu _had _hurt her. But she couldn't tell her parents that. They couldn't know that she was Mew Ichigo.

"Kisshu _did _hurt you?" Sakura asked, and grabbed Shintaro's hand, stopping him from going into the shed to get the sword that was in there.

Shintaro was about to snap but Ichigo looked up with sad eyes, and she _looked _at them. "He didn't mean to hurt me," Ichigo whispered.

"A BOY HURT YOU!?" Shintaro shouted, and he was very much outraged. Someone hurt _his _baby girl!?

"Dad," Ichigo said, and he wasn't going to be quiet. "Kisshu didn't _mean _to hurt me. He was just following orders."

"Orders!? Who ordered him to hurt you!?" Shintaro shouted, still very much pissed if not _more_.

Ichigo became quiet, and Sakura stepped in. "Shintaro, stop. At least Ichigo's talking to us." She turned to Ichigo. "Does this Kisshu boy have something to do with Aoyama?"

Ichigo shook her head. "No," She said softly. "He doesn't…"

Before Shintaro or Sakura could ask anything more, Ichigo left the room.

~xXx~

Ichigo went back to the cherry tree, and she sat down under it. She looked around with sad eyes, and then pulled out her diary.

_June 12__th_

_Dear Diary,_

_Hey. It's me, Ichigo again. I know, I haven't written in you for a very long time but I have a reason. I've been busy trying to figure out what to do. I mean, I've thought about ya know, killing myself but I can't do that to my parents even if they're never around. I can't put Lettuce or Pudding through it. I can't even put Zakuro or Minto through it. Even if I did, I couldn't even do it to Keiichiro or Ryou- even if he's a huge baka. I'm sure even Aoyama-kun would be sad, and think it was his fault._

_It isn't._

_Yes, I'm falling apart majorly after he broke up with me, but that isn't the real reason why I'm so sad. I think I've figured it out. I never got to say good bye and say thank you to Kisshu. When I was talking to my parents, I think I figured out why I'm haunted in my dreams by him. I love him. _

_Yes, how could I love TWO boys? How could I love Kisshu AND Aoyama-kun? Well, it just kinda happened and now I've lost both. So I guess this is good bye- forever. _

_Ichigo_

Once Ichigo finished writing, she placed the diary down and then pulled out a knife. She didn't say anything, she didn't even cry out when she plugged the knife into her heart. She closed her eyes as she died against the tree in which she thought of Kisshu.

~Memory~

"_Yo Ichigo," _

_She whipped around to face the baka, and she knew that she had to figure out how to get around him. Her eyes narrowed, and he grinned widely._

_The boy, Kisshu smirked now as he stood in front of the tree. _

"_Kisshu," Ichigo said._

"_That's me Koneko-chan," Kisshu said as he watched her._

_Ichigo looked around, and noticed something. "Where are we?"_

"_The cherry tree in which you killed yourself against," Kisshu replied. "So why did you do it?"_

_Ichigo was quiet, and then sighed. "I was losing myself. I couldn't keep hurting the people I love, so I killed myself. They'll be happier with me gone, sure at first it will hurt but they'll get over it."_

"_What if they don't?" Kisshu asked._

_She blinked. "Then they'll hurt."_

"_What about Aoyuck?" Kisshu asked, crossing his arms over his chest and he leaned against the tree._

_She looked down at her feet, and she sighed heavily. "He broke up with me."_

"_So you killed yourself over _Aoyuck_?" Kisshu asked, and his eyes slightly narrow in hurt. "Well that's a stupid reason to kill yourself."_

"_Shut up!" She snapped. "And I didn't kill myself because Aoyama-kun broke up with me. It's almost been a whole year since he left me. I killed myself because I can't handle the pain – I'm weak!"_

"_The Ichigo I knew wasn't weak," Kisshu said and then he was in front of her. He stared into her brown eyes. "The Ichigo I knew would beat my ass up because I called the love of her life Aoyuck. She would have kept fighting, and would have shown everyone that they can't keep her down. Where'd she go?"_

"_She died." Ichigo said._

"_Oh?" Kisshu raised an eyebrow._

_Ichigo nodded her head. "She died the day Deep Blue took over Aoyama-kun. He was never the same, and three days later he left me for some slut named Ai. Are you happy? I gave up because everyone was leaving me. Lettuce is moving on, Pudding has her siblings to take care of, Minto has Aoyama-kun and Zakuro has her modelling job. I have no one."_

"_You have me," Kish whispered._

"_You can't still love me. I've broken—"_

"_Did Aoyuck break your heart?"_

"_Yes…"_

"_You still love him?"_

"_Yes…"_

"_Will you always love him?"_

"_Yes….what are you even getting at?" she asked, clearly confused._

_Kisshu looked down at her sadly. "I'll always love you Ichigo, just how you'll always love Aoyuck. I won't try and guilt trip you or anything, but I love you Ichigo and you've got to love me at least a little or else Aoyuck would be here and not me."_

_She blinked and then blushed. Kish smiled a little at her. "I do love Aoyama-kun…..but he hurt me. I can't handle that heartache…"_

"_I could come back ya know." Kisshu said. "I could come back to earth."_

"_Why would you do that?" Ichigo asked._

_His eyes locked with hers, "Because I love you Ichigo. And I'll do anything to make sure you're happy."_

"_But I'm dead…." Ichigo said._

"_So?" Kisshu said, and then he grinned. "Go back to the living."_

"_How?" she asked._

"_Think about going back, and think about love. Want to go back. Wish for it." Kisshu said, "And then, you'll be back." Ichigo closed her eyes, and then Kisshu was hugging her. "I'll return home soon, Ichigo."_

"_Kisshu…"_

"_I love you Ichigo and I WILL return to you. Don't give up, just wait. I'll get there soon…" Kisshu said and then, they were kissing and for a moment, Ichigo didn't want to leave this Kisshu. She knew that she couldn't stay there, at least not yet._

_And with that, Ichigo wished to return to the living, leaving Kisshu and the cherry tree behind._

_~xXx~_

When Ichigo opened her eyes, she found a bright light and she heard beeping then a fault, "She's alive!" and she was very confused. She then remembered everything. The knife, dying, talking to Kisshu and then coming back. _Kisshu, _Ichigo's eyes widen and she looked around quickly. Was Kisshu there?

"Ichigo!" she looked over and found Lettuce, Pudding, Minto and Zakuro. She even found Ryou and Keiichiro.

"Guys?" she asked weakly.

"You're alive Na no Da!" Pudding grinned at her widely. "Pudding was very nervous, Na no Da! Pudding thought Ichigo-ne chan was dead Na no Da!"

"Pudding-san," Lettuce scolded. Pudding blushed, and looked down quickly.

"How am I alive?" Ichigo asked.

Lettuce and everyone else looked at her. She blushed weakly. "We called Pai and well, he came back with a little mew aqua left." Ryou said. "So you're alive but only just."

"Pai's here?" the redhead was shocked.

"Yup," Minto said. "So are Taruto and Kisshu."

_Kisshu, _Ichigo thought and then she was trying to get out of bed. "Mew Ichigo, you should stay in bed." That voice…she looked over and found Pai standing there. He looked worn, and now she was confused as to why. He seemed to read her mind. "I used a lot of energy to get here, and then I had to heal you a little because we didn't have enough mew aqua to heal and bring you back."

Ichigo nodded, and Pai laid her back down onto her back. "Is…is Aoyama-kun here?" Ichigo found herself asking.

"No,"

Everyone looked over and found Kisshu standing there. Ichigo and Kisshu's eyes met, and her heart skipped a few beats. "Kisshu?" called Ichigo softly.

Kish nodded, and then he was making his way towards her. "Ichigo…"

When he was there, he pulled her into a hug and she buried her face into his chest. "It's really you…"

"'Cause it is," Kisshu whispered to her. "I promised you that I would return…and I did."

"Does that mean…?"

"Shh," Kisshu said and kissed her head, and she snuggled closer to him. He pulled her closer, and nuzzled her cheek with his own and Ichigo purred in reply. He grinned weakly. "Don't ever do that again to me, Ichigo. I can't lose you."

She nodded and then she snuggled closer to him, "Never again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

The two held each other, till Kisshu started petting Ichigo. She purred and soon she fell asleep. Pai made everyone leave, and then turned to face him. He mouthed, _is she asleep? _

Kisshu nodded.

"She was dead." Pai said. "How did you get her to come back?"

Kisshu looked at his older brother closely. "Do you remember that story my mom told us, about how if you were to die, and you left a lover behind, you would see them in a vision."

"Yes…" Pai said confused.

"Ichigo was dead. I went to her," Kisshu said and then he looked down at the girl in his arms. "She chose me. She might still love Aoyuck but her heart knows that it wants _me_. She just won't believe it but I know that in the end, I'll get the girl."

Pai then nodded, and then wished his brother luck before he turned and left the room quickly and quietly.

Kisshu pulled Ichigo closer and kept petting her. "I love you Koneko-chan…and I'm gonna make sure you become all of mine."

**The end**

**So whatcha think? **

**I wrote this at my grandmother's, and well….I couldn't post it right away because well…my brother is in the hospital and he's been there since Saturday night, and today is Tuesday. I heard from my mom that they won't be back till at least Thursday now. **

**I've been staying with my grandmother and she has no internet. **

**I wanted to write something for Kishigo since I've been busy watching **_**The Vampire Diaries**_** and yeah, it's a great show but I miss me some TMM. So yes, I'm in a sad lonely mood and you got this out of it. So what do you think about?**

**Do you think you could review?**

**Nerdy-**


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